The 4 pillars of a balanced, beautiful life
I had called him on his mobile a couple of days before and announced my intention to resign.
As we stepped into the glass walled team room, I glanced at my colleagues on the other side – busy updating spreadsheets, listening to conf calls and talking with investors on the phone. This was my day-to-day as an equity research analyst in London.
While my career in investment banking looked pretty glamorous (and it was!), my personal life as a single woman in the City felt far from healthy and fulfilling. My desire was to have a family of my own. I wasn’t getting any younger, and I wasn’t seeing that happening any time soon unless I made some major shifts.
Mr. D. and I discussed again my reasons for quitting, and I think I’ll remember his words for a long time:
“I should probably not be telling you this as your manager. But if you were my daughter, I would say it’s the right thing for you to resign. You’re not happy and, at the end of the day, that’s what matters most.”
Within a month, I shipped most of my belongings to be stored in my parent’s basement in Portugal, and moved to France for the second time in my life with just two suitcases.
I needed to get my personal act together, and resuming my studies sounded like a good option to buy myself some time. Doing a PhD was on the table, so when my former boss at the EMBL in Grenoble offered me a temporary position in his team, I jumped at the opportunity to test whether I really wanted to go back to Science or not.
In the end, I decided not to do the PhD. But the time that I spent in France, and later in Portugal with my parents, felt like a doctorate in personal growth.
During that period, I read lot, reflected a lot, and eventually trained as a Life Coach.
From studying my own path, that of my fellow friends and clients, I have come to believe that true, sustainable happiness stems from enjoying a balanced life and feeling bien dans sa peau (comfortable in your own skin).
For this, you much have four strong pillars in place:
- Good health & fitness
- Supportive relationships
- Stable & fulfilling work
- Time & space for yourself
When one or more of these pillars is wobbly, the whole foundation starts shaking. And that’s what was happening to me when working in banking. This was not by fault of my firm or the industry, but because I did not have all the self-mastery tools to set solid anchors for myself.
I want to shortcut your path to a more balanced & beautiful life, so I have prepared a simple exercise to help you get you back on track (without necessarily changing jobs or going through a dramatic revolution like I did).
Step 1: Check for imbalances
On a scale 1-10, how satisfied are you in each of the four pillars of work-life balance: (1) Health & Fitness, (2) Supportive Relationships, (3) Career, (4) Space for Self?
Step 2: Address the weakest link
While I’m all for building on your strengths, where it comes to creating a balanced and beautiful life for yourself, I believe that you need to address your weakest link first, otherwise it can start jeopardizing all other areas.
Pick your weakest pillar as identified in step 1 and brainstorm what your dream scenario would be in that area of your life. Don’t censure yourself, thinking of what’s possible and what’s not. Just write down your greatest desires for that specific area of your life.
Step 3: Plan your next step
Now that you know what you want to achieve, ask yourself:
What is the very first step that I can take to move towards my dream?
Choose an action that depends only on you and that you can perform today.
Step 4: Take action
Go and do it! (Or at least schedule it).
Step 5: Social accountability
Even if you consider yourself an introvert, the truth is that we are sociable beings and that peer pressure gets us moving, whether we like to admit it or not.
Leverage your unconscious mind and set-up some social accountability. Share your commitment to improving the weakest pillar of your life with a close friend or loved one. Ask them to keep you accountable for making progress toward your dreams